Mosaic

Mosaics were used to pave floors. Creating not only a foundation to stand on, but an inspiring one. Mosaics from the 4th century BCE depicted heroes, stories, and history. Greek life and greek Gods captured, one pebble, glass tile, clay shard at a time. Soon, it was a commissioned art, creating beauty and the known with the odd and unknown.

It is the art of seeing bits of what was, to make what is.

Mosaic artists examine each shattered piece to see how it fits with the new vision. How does it fit into the bigger, better, and newer picture? Mosaics give each shattered piece of life meaning and purpose, and beauty by taking our broken pieces and build them into a new whole.

The true beauty is in the build. In the process of sifting through our memories, moments, and selecting with care and precision the pieces that go into the Mosaic of our life. There are moments that break us, push us beyond what we thought we could ever do or be. Crushing moments can also produce the very best pieces of Mosaic self.

Panic attacks.
Debilitating anxiety
Depression
Death

Each knocked the wind out of me as I crashed into the ground. Each broke moments into minutia that I painfully pulled my fingers through looking for those bits of myself that I recognized as gorgeous, as shiny, as pure. Those I picked up and grouted into the new version, the new path, the new version.

And I do it over and over.

Because the Mosaic is never complete. The examined life is never finished. The build is beauty in motion, and we are the creators of our own pieced together masterpieces.

Wordsmith Challenge 5

What’s one family tradition you’d like to carry on in the future?

Peppernuts. The look like dog food, and taste like heaven. Mom would start making batches right after Thanksgiving ended and continue until two weeks from Christmas, that gave the cookies time to age. Big containers filled up with these tiny treats, and we would clear them out quickly.

They were our trading wizard for an entire month. If we wanted a hostess cupcake or twinkie, a bag of peppernuts would get us them. It was the one time in which our homemade, mainly organic, and no added sugar household was heralded as remarkable.

We do make them, but not as clockwork as mom did. Usually there is one double batch a year with thoughts to do another, but Christmas comes quickly, and then it is too late. At Aunt Linda’s, we painted sugar cookies, at Grandma’s, we had Clam Chowder, and at our house, we had Peppernuts.

Wordsmith Challenge 4

What did you want to be growing up? Why?

An actor. In Kindergarten, we acted out Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I was mama bear. I remember fully committing to the role and feeling the surge of frustration and love only a mom can have when her children at the table are needing to be fed and screwing around at the same time. I fell in love with the ability to transport myself to other worlds. I became a storyteller in my bedroom, producing elaborate dramas with my village of stuffed animals. This was my place of solace and safety. A place in which my large personality wasn’t just accepted, but expected.

I acted in every play at school, tried out for community shows, and drama was my longest kept major at University of Oregon.

People ask why I didn’t pursue. It wasn’t just one thing, it was a series of things that picked away at my confidence. When I had to make a decision, I was alone, and I wasn’t secure enough to dive in fully.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have done it. I would have gone all in and bet on myself. Because everyday my spirit continues to look for outlets, places in which I can create and belong in multiple stories across the universe. And I believe that I will find my new version, my acting 2.0, the place for my spirit to soar and perch, understanding that we are home.

Wordsmith Challenge 3

List the 5 people you spend the most time with. How have they affected your behaviors, thought, and life?

Randy Brock: n, 44, WM, spouse

He role models how to be an awesome human in the waves of COVID19. He works out, drives for meals on wheels, hosts podcasts, and does the weather. He gives the best hugs, is supporting our boys’ interests by building a fowl coop and talking video games.

Andrew Brock: n, 16, WM son

This guy. Smart, funny, thoughtful, and dialed in. When he sits on the deck and tells me all that he knows, I settle into the warmth of his stories.

Owen Brock: n, 13, WM, son

This guy. Razor sharp wit, conscientious, and empathetic. He smiles and this glint in his eye bubbles up from his spirit and I know something delightful or wicked is about to emerge.

Work team: n, amazing dedicated women

They push to address the inequities of our community in a way that gets shit done. I know we are better because they are working collaboratively and supportively across the community.

HFB: n, amazing, funny, smart group of women that I am so lucky to call friends

We keep us all accountable to being our most authentic, kick ass selves. We are different and yet collectively, a sisterhood.

“Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.”

CHIEF SEATTLE

And my list goes on to include my extended family, my extended network, my collaborative partners, all the people who are aching to do some good in our community, to make someone’s life better, if only for today. They all make me better, make me reflective, make me whole.

The web we weave is what matters in the end. The goodness of people connected and pulsing through the community-wide story. We are truly, better together.

Wordsmith Challenge 2

If you could run the country for a day, what’s one change you’d like to make.

One day. Twenty four hours. In the middle of a partisan feud fueled by ego and righteousness. In the middle of a pandemic, fueling fear and anxiety. In the middle of an epoch shift that pushes away from individualism and leans into collectivism. That is a helluva time to enter leadership…for a day.

In this one day I get one change to make…systems work isn’t by magic. When the dominos fall, all we see is the result, but we do not see the hours it takes to set them up. The numerous times in which the table was bumped and they all fell. The restarts, the apologies, the anger, the resolve. We don’t see all the work, we just get to be an audience, wowed by the wonder of it. How did they do that? ingenuity, adjustments, tears, frustration, practice, and patience. How did they do that? Commitment to it. To the magic, to the result.

I would want to set up the first domino, and that starts with the people. I would bring in a host of therapy animals and trained coaches/community health workers to listen. To listen to how these staffers have devoted themselves to serving people through a pandemic. To listen to what it is that brought them to this government role, to serve the country, to serve the people.

Then, after the people of whom those staffers serve joined our conversation, we would start looking at the inequities this pandemic has unearthed and risen to the forefront of our broken system. In the human service industry there is a mantra: “Not about us, without us.” and it seems that is a modern way of saying “of the people, by the people, for the people.” And isn’t that the role of elected officials? To represent the voice of all their constituents, not just those who voted for them. But I digress. My point, is together we would co-create a defined standard of living that is a basic right of all humans, dismantle a system built by and for white culture, and work toward a future in which every human has the ability and autonomy to reach their full potential.

One day doesn’t allow for much, unless I am given Hermione’s time turner, but this feels like a good place to start. Invest in those who are doing the work of the policies, and invest in the co-creation of something new and more appropriate for where we are now…and we are all equally human, now we need a country that represents and honors that.

Wordsmith Deck

My lovely in-laws gave me a Wordsmith Deck for Christmas. I did a couple of prompts, then left it. I have wanted to commit to writing more, and yet I feel such a block when I sit down to do it, so I am doing a summer challenge. This deck has 100 cards in it. 100 days. That takes us to August 23rd. Let’s be real, I’ll take some days off in there and try to run away, so I’ll extend it to the end of August. A prompt. An idea. A practice to break the heavy writer’s block I have happily carried around for over a year. All genres will be welcome, and I can’t guarantee there will be a theme or anything, but I will write again, and frankly, I need words like water. It is a life source for me.

I have no idea where this will go, but it feels good just to type here again, so I’ll take that. Also, my latest crap TV addiction is Songland. In case you need it, I say soak in that level of creativity. It is remarkable.