Wordsmith Challenge 4

What did you want to be growing up? Why?

An actor. In Kindergarten, we acted out Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I was mama bear. I remember fully committing to the role and feeling the surge of frustration and love only a mom can have when her children at the table are needing to be fed and screwing around at the same time. I fell in love with the ability to transport myself to other worlds. I became a storyteller in my bedroom, producing elaborate dramas with my village of stuffed animals. This was my place of solace and safety. A place in which my large personality wasn’t just accepted, but expected.

I acted in every play at school, tried out for community shows, and drama was my longest kept major at University of Oregon.

People ask why I didn’t pursue. It wasn’t just one thing, it was a series of things that picked away at my confidence. When I had to make a decision, I was alone, and I wasn’t secure enough to dive in fully.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have done it. I would have gone all in and bet on myself. Because everyday my spirit continues to look for outlets, places in which I can create and belong in multiple stories across the universe. And I believe that I will find my new version, my acting 2.0, the place for my spirit to soar and perch, understanding that we are home.